But through you alone, dear readers, I have come to learn that even my '27 wasn't a dirty model, the bastard sibling, a mere afterbirth of Tommy's traumatic teens (Premature Ejection?!).

So the heck with you superstars. You've inadvertently encouraged me even more (Cutts Overcompensation), and in the process, have created a monster. While I'm content learning about my accessories, cartridge boxes, and my historical station in all this, all you guys have is your priceless collections of classics among classics (Obsessive Repulsive).

I, on the other hand, knowing nothing, have a far grander journey to soar on my quest for Class 3. You've all been to the mountain. So, in 2025, when you're all sitting on your collective assets and ready to sell off your pieces (yeah, right) after social security fails, I'll be right there to help carry the torch for you. So let me know who's selling. As if. (I know how you people work -- first you suck us in, then you won't sell us anything. Feeding failure. (Attractus Interruptus)

Therefore, my scholarly mentors, as the ultimate tribute to you and to the "uniqueness" of each collector and each gun (so say ye), I've taken my '27 and had it totally and completely customized. I mean totally and completely.

Fine mother-of-pearl stock inlays; custom solid gold Auto-Ordnance bullet logo created by Tiffany; incomparable bluing; high-relief scrollwork wood carving; 24k gold accents; glass like wood finish; custom Kerr.

Now, in what may be regarded by many of you Thompson "purists" as either an act of desecration upon a perfectly innocent Thompson, or as an exquisite, museum quality interpretation of the arm's line and pedigree, I have commissioned six nationally famous engravers, gunsmiths and artisans to collaborate on my lowly 30618. (I trust you'll find the result dazzling, and appreciate my intent.)

So listen up. You guys can't do this to one of your priceless, pitted, practically in the white pieces, can you?! I can because I'm into custom cosmetic restorations (I own ARMS ARTS, Inc., 877-ARMSART), and because I'm a know nothing Thompson neophyte, and not expected to know any better, nay, even embraced by the body of Thompson collectors that say "its OK", so I can thus tickle my Thompson (HMMM.. maybe a nice raccoon tail hanging out the buttstock..)

Anyway, look for a full photographic feature on the piece in an upcoming issue of American Handgunner, Guns Magazine, and others in a few months. And, of course, I'll send the studio pix for you to scoop them first, if you like.

So keep teaching me, 'cause I won't go away quietly. And I'll strive to represent the Thompson with reverence and esteem that the lady so deserves. I'll try not to embarrass her, or you. I can't wait to meet y'all next August -- you may be tested on this material.

Now my doctor tells me to give up all rich foods, fast women, and Thompsons. He says I won't live any longer, but it's gonna seem a lot longer.